Psychologists define a clinical narcissist by behaviors such as these:
- Jealousy and possessiveness
- Excessive need to feel special, adored, loved, appreciated, or admired
- Rage attacks when you do not sufficiently meet his/her needs
- Controlling behaviors (trying to control how you spend your time, who you talk to, how you dress, etc.)
- Inflated self-esteem, or grandiosity (bragging, “fishing” for compliments)
- Dramatic, insecure behaviors
- Expecting you to take responsibility for making him/her feel better about him/herself
- Blaming you for behaviors or feelings (i.e., “you made me do this,” or “you made me feel this way.”)
- Not taking responsibility for angry behavior and justifying angry outbursts
- An attitude that demonstrates “the world revolves around me” and “you need to cater to my ideas, opinions, thoughts, and feelings.”
- An unwillingness to reflect on his/her own behaviors
- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
- Requires excessive admiration
- Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
- Is inter-personally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
- Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
- Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
- Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
- When narcissism has a hold of someone, they will feel very lonely and desperate for the affection of a ‘perfect’ person who will be sympathetic and adore them. Sadly this ‘perfect’ person is actually an illusion in the narcissist’s mind, a tormenting fantasy that will make their life miserable and make them very hard on the people who they live with.
- Because narcissists’ self-image is so scanty and fragile, they depend on the reflection of themselves in others’ perception to be aware of themselves. Social isolation, such as comes following the loss of a job, the failure of a marriage, or the alienation of friends and family, has swift and terrible effects on narcissists. Their thinking quickly deteriorates into chaotic in-coherency and disorganization.
The Bible has much to say about individuals with traits of Narcissism. Some of the more notable traits are pride, rather than humility, deflecting blame that rightly belongs with them to others, and always trying to build themselves up by getting others to rally to their side.
Gen 3
11 And He said, Who told you that you were naked? Have you
eaten of the
tree of which I commanded you not to eat?
12 And the man said, The woman whom You gave to be with me,
she has
given to me of the tree, and I ate.
13 And YHVH Elohim said to the woman, What is this you have
done?
And the woman said, The serpent deceived me, and I ate.
1 Sam 18
7 And the women who were playing answered and said, Saul has
slain his
thousands, but David his ten thousands.
8 And it very much burned Saul, and this thing was evil in
his eyes. And he
said, They have given ten thousands to David, and to me they
have given
thousands. And is there more to him, except the kingdom?
9 And from that day forward Saul was watching David.
Isaiah 14
12 Oh Lucifer, son of the morning, how you have fallen from
the
heavens! You weakening the nations,you are cut down to the
ground.
13 For you have said In your heart, I will go up to the
heavens; I will raise
my throne above the stars of El, and I will sit in the
mountain of appointment, in the sides of the north.
14 I will rise over the heights of the clouds; I will be
compared to Elyone
(The Most High)
Proverbs 11
2 Pride comes, then shame comes, but with the humble is
wisdom.
Proverbs 16
18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit
before a fall. (Pr 11:2)
Proverbs 29
22 An angry man stirs up contention, and a furious one
abounds in transgression.
Mark 10
42 But having called them near, Yeshua said to them, You
know that those who are reckoned as chiefs of nations are their masters and
their great men are in authority over them.
43 But it shall not be so among you, but whoever desires to
become great among you shall be your servant.
44 And whoever of you desires to become first, he shall be
slave of all.
45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to
serve, and to
give His life as a ransom for sake of many.
Luke 14
7 And He was speaking a parable to them who were invited
there, because
He was seeing those who were choosing places among the front
seats.
8 When you are invited by anyone to wedding feasts, do not
recline at the
chief seat lest one more honorable than you be invited by
him,
9 and coming, he who invited you will say to you, Give this
one place.
And then you begin with shame to take the last place.
10 But when you are invited, going in, recline at the last
place, so that
when he who has invited you may come, he may say to you,
Friend, go up
higher. Then glory will be to you before those reclining
with you.
11 For everyone exalting himself will be humbled, and the
one humbling
himself will be exalted.
Luke 18
9 And He also spoke this parable to some of those relying on
themselves,
that they are righteous, and despising the rest:
10 Two men went up into the sanctuary to pray, the one a
Pharisee,
and the other a tax collector.
11 The Pharisee was standing, praying these things to
himself:
Elohim, I thank You that I am not as the rest of men,
extortioners, covetous,
adulterers, or even as this tax collector.
12 I fast twice in the week; I tithe all things, as many as
I get.
13 And standing at a distance, the tax collector would not
even lift up his
eyes to Heaven, but smote on his breast, saying, Elohim, be
merciful to
me, a sinner!
14 I say to you, This one went down to his house having been
justified,
rather than that one. For everyone exalting himself will be
humbled. And
the one humbling himself will be exalted.
2 Timothy 3
1 But know this, that in the last days disastrous times
will be upon us.
2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money,
braggarts, arrogant, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, wicked,
3 without natural feeling, addicted to lust, slanderers,
without self-control, savage, haters of good,
4 traitors, hasty, boasters, lovers of pleasure rather than
lovers of Elohim,
5 having a form of righteousness, but denying the power of
it; even turn away from these.
You will find Narcissists in every walk of life and will include co-workers, bosses/managers and family members. It is especially hard to deal with a family member who has this trait. You can always quit a job, but you can't just leave a family. Either you have to ignore the behavior (very difficult to do at times), break off any relationship you have with them, or convince them to seek help for the condition. Keep in mind that it is very unnatural for the Narcissist to seek help for this condition since it is in their nature to feel they are always right and have done nothing wrong. The presence of such a person in your life can be very debilitating and leave you feel helpless to fix the dysfunctional situation. Often time, the only solution is to get them to realize the pain they are causing, not just to others but to themselves as well, and hope that they can feel the pain so intensely that they will seek out help.
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